Be Involved

Be Available

When  someone you know is made a victim of sexual violence, there are important actions and words for you to utilize as their friend and supporter:

• Your friend may go through a variety of emotions and responses. These changes may occur over the course of a day, a year, or even longer, and may be triggered by events, locations, conversations, or even songs.
• Remember that whatever your friend is feeling is valid. Tell them that, and show them that you mean it by validating what they say and the decisions they make. Don't try to take control of the situation by forcing them to do anything that may make them uncomfortable.
• Familiarize yourself with theresource pages in this site, and present them as options, but ultimately your friend should be the one to decide if, when, where, and how s/he would like to take action. 
• When talking with your friend, be extra aware of the implications of the words you choose. Phrases like "I'm sorry" put your friend in the position of then having to comfort you by saying "no, it's ok." It's not ok.
• Ask what your friend wants.  Ask if they want a hug to respect their space and body.  
• It is common to feel angry and want to punish the person who hurt your friend.  Violence and pain have already happened and becoming violent will only hurt your friend more.  Even using violent language is not helpful at this time - whether you mean it or not.  This may only put your friend in a position where they feel they must defend the perpetrator.
• More often than not, sexual assault happens between acquaintances, close friends, or significant others, and is not perpetrated by a stranger. This shared history does not excuse the behavior or diminish the survivor's experience, but can often cause further confusion or frustration. By reading the other sections of this website and educating yourself of the resources available, you may be able to inform your friend of the choices available to them.

If you feel comfortable doing so, you may also be able to offer your friend other forms of support. A safety plan maymake your friend feel more comfortable, and, depending on the specific experience and needs of the survivor at that time, may include brainstorming answers to questions like:

• "Who can you call when you feel unsafe?"
• "Are you comfortable seeing the other individual?"
• And if not, "What can you do to avoid encountering them or to feel more comfortable in situations where you may be together?"
• "Are there routes, pathways or buildings you feel safer in?"
• "Would you like a friend or campus security to walk with you or go ahead of you?"
• "Would carrying a whistle or other defense help you feel safe?"  

Thinking about situations that may arise may make your friend feel more prepared and equipped to safely respond, but is not necessarily a conversation a survivor will be ready to have right away.

Pay attention to the way in which you are handling the situation as well, with special notice to your own emotional, physical and mental health. Know that there are many different ways of obtaining support, and that networks are often stronger than single individuals. Counseling Services and other staff and faculty are available to you as well and it is healthy for you to consider the support you may need or want. No one needs to go through this alone.

Make an Impact

It's easy to feel powerless to change past events and current attitudes about sexual violence, but there are many groups and resources on campus to get involved in effecting change:

• Storm's Advocates - Julie Zaruba- Fountaine, advisor
• Dude Group - Chris Godsey, advisor
• Center for Just Living - Jay Newcomb, advisor
• Speak Up! - Rachelle Jensen, student chair
• Queer Straight Alliance - Brendal McColgan, student chair

• Sexual Assault Support Team - Teresa Aldach, chair
• Institutional Diversity - Emily Segar-Johnson, director
• Social Work Club - Ramona Hemphill, student chair
• Student Senate - Melissa Marvin, president

 

 

Credit and thanks to the following colleges and organizations allowing us to utilize their violence prevention information: Privacy Rights Clearinghouse, Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse, University of Michigan Sexual Assault Prevention and Awareness Center/U. Health Services, Kansas St. University (Counseling Services and the Women's Center), University of Minnesota Program Against Sexual Violence (The Aurora Center for Advocacy and Education), PAVSA, Safe Haven, MNCASA, and The Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse.

Disclaimer: The information found on this site is intended as educational information only. You SHOULD NOT rely on the information to make any medical or legal decisions. Any medical or other decisions should be made in consultation with your health care provider. Any legal decisions should be made in consultation with your legal representative. The Student Center for Health and Well-Being will not be liable for any complication, injuries, or other medical accidents arising from, or in connection with, the use of, or reliance upon, any information on this web site.